Mind Over Matter: Reducing the Stress
As if it wasn't hard enough to get pregnant without a partner, stress and depression about being able to conceive can cut fertility success in half, according to some studies.
Boston-based health psychologist Alice Domar took a pool of 184 women who had been trying to conceive for one to two years. One group took a program in mind/body techniques and 55 percent gave birth to a child. Another group participated in a support group and 54 percent conceived. Of the control group, with no mind/body intervention, 20 percent conceived.
Without the right signals, hormones don't release eggs. "Reproductive hormones start in the head," says St. Paul-based fertility therapist Dr. Jeannette Truchsess. Her view is that the pain of fertility loss is inevitable, but that suffering from it is a choice.
All the medical technology available to couples today cannot resolve the deep emotional issues that come into the fertility clinic setting with them. "Sometimes Internet chat groups just stress people out more. Therapists, face-to-face support groups, and mind/body relaxation techniques can be crucial in helping people get the professional support they need," says Dr. Carolyn Givens, of San Francisco-based Pacific Fertility Center.
Dr. Domar, author of Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping With Infertility, and assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School, has developed a 10-week course that enables women to take greater control over their fertility issues. Some of her recommendations:
- anticipate stupid and offensive comments people could make that would bother you, and pre-plan and memorize comeback lines that are either educational or sharp;
- when it seems that pregnant women are all around you, and yet another one has emerged and set you on the precipice of grief and jealousy, ask yourself whether her pregnancy diminishes your chances of getting pregnant;
- find and use relaxation techniques that work for you: meditation, massage. yoga, guided imagery, cognitive therapy, journaling, support group, mindfulness training;
- consider finding an RE to help you get where you're going faster than your ob/gyn (or for the top of the line, one of the roughly 700 board-certified REs in the country), but at the very least, get the testing that reassures you that the money spent on sperm has the potential to work and create a plan with your doctor for what happens after three cycles, after six cycles, after nine cycles;
- examine your biases about donor egg and adoption and process whether these are options for you (some women prefer the more guaranteed route to motherhood of adoption, others want to give every opportunity first to seeing if the experience of being pregnant is available to them);
- trust your gut about what the right treatment options might be for you, using doctor input and your own exploration about what is important to you.
